Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
So I noticed that a movie club that I belong to was having a sale on DVDs for just under $6.00 apiece, and I went on out to their website to see what kinds of offerings they might be having. A lot of the selections were pretty much what I had figured they would be - older, low production quality stuff, things that never played well either in the theaters or in the later release to videotape and DVD. But there was one that really caught my eye, and in spite of the misgivings that reading the synopsis gave me, I thought that I really needed to get a copy so that I could review it for you and at the very least, warn you about it. (Our motto being, after all, "We watch 'em so you don't have to.") And it was only six bucks. So how could I really lose? So I ordered it (did I mention that it was only six dollars?), waited anxiously for its arrival, and at the first opportunity, popped it into the DVD played, plopped myself down into my big, comfy La-z-Bubba recliner, and hit the "Play" button. And so it is that this month, Da'ud Bob reviews for you the story of Robin Hood versus the were-dragon, in Beyond Sherwood Forest.
This is the synopsis that hooked me on this one: "12th-century England: It is a deadly time of dark tyranny, black magic and the outlaw archer known as Robin Hood. But when the Sheriff of Nottingham unleashes a winged monster upon the town and woods to massacre Robin's men and capture Maid Marian, hearts run cold with fear and streets red with blood. Before he can rob from the rich or give to the poor, can The Prince of Thieves survive the demonic onslaught of a winged beast from another world? Katharine Isabelle and David Richmond-Peck co-star in this chilling new take on the infamous hero from director Peter DeLuise, filled with valor, vengeance and nightmare creatures that take you behind the legend and...Beyond Sherwood Forest."
Starring Robin Dunne as Robin Hood, Erica Durance as Maid Marian, Julian Sands as Malcolm, Sheriff of Nottingham, David Richmond-Peck as Prince John, Mark Gibbon as Little John, Cainan Wiebe as Gareth, Richard de Klerk as Will Scarlet, Bill Dow as Friar Tuck, Katharine Isabelle as Alina, and John Novak as Roland, this flick is, as one reviewer put it, "one of SyFy's more tolerable movies." The plot is way more complicated than it needs to be. In brief, Maid Marian, refusing to be wed to the Duke of Austria, heads out into the forest on her own. She is taken in by Robin Hood and his merry men, while the Sheriff unleashes a woman who turns into a dragon in the sunlight to ravage the countryside and kill the common people until Robin Hood and Maid Marian are captured and life can go on as planned by Prince John and the Sheriff. There's a lot more to it than that, but those are the most important bits.
Good points: Some of the horses were very nice.
Bad points: Pock-faced Prince John. Leather short shorts. The "Dark Woods." Anachronisms: "insurance policy." (The first insurance contract was written in Genoa in 1347, quite some time after Robin Hood.) "His Majesty, the Prince." (Royalty did not become "Majesty" until around the time of Henry VIII.) Much of the scriptwriting. Most of the heraldry. Some of the fight choreography. (The whole movie was filmed in just three weeks, which probably helps to explain the fight choreography being less than, umm, "stellar.")
Zero breasts. Three gallons of blood. 15 dead bodies. Dragon fu. Arrow fu. Sword fu. Quarterstaff fu. Slingshot fu. Axe fu. Pike fu. Flaming arrow fu. Mace fu. Dagger fu. The Sheriff rolls. Gratuitous "Stargate," err, I mean, portal to the Dark Woods. Gratuitous metamorphosis. Gratuitous bats. Gratuitous cast concrete, err, standing stone circle. An 83 on the Vomit Meter. One and a half stars. Da'ud Bob says, "Check it out!"
Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!
|October 17, 2014||Dracula Untold. Vampire mythology combined with the true history of Prince Vlad tell the origin of Dracula. Luke Evans, Dominic Cooper, Charlie Cox, Samantha Barks. The previews do not bode well for the "true history of Prince Vlad" part.|
|December 12, 2014||Exodus: Gods and Kings. Moses leads the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt. Christian Bale, Aaron Paul, Sigourney Weaver, Joel Edgerton, Ben Kingsley, John Turturro. Directed by Ridley Scott.|
|2015||Macbeth. Yet another film of "the Scottish play," this time starring Michael
Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Paddy Considine, Sean Harris, and David
Thewlis. Currently in post-production.
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