Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
  June 2025


Here's another "blast from the past!" A movie review first published thirty years ago, in June 1995, of a movie released exactly ten years before that. Enjoy!



You know, sometimes it can be really interesting living down in this part of the country.  There are a lot of regional quirks that can be quite fascinating.  (Even more fascinating than that idea that you can tell someone has just moved into the area from the "outside" because they put too many syllables in the word "Missippi" and not enough in the words "bull sh*t".  [When properly pronounced, the latter has some five separate syllables, though most people only hear four.])  Anyway, to get back to the topic at hand, this is the only place I've ever lived where a person could get off on a charge of murder with the defense of, "Judge, he needed killin'".  The other defense sans peer is, "Judge, it was a family matter", to which the usual response is (and as natives here will tell you, should be), "Oh, well, if it's a family matter.  Case dismissed."  Speaking of family matters and people who needed killing, this month Da'ud Bob reviews King David.

Yes, this is the 1985 money-loser starring Richard Gere as David, Alice Krige as Bathsheba, Edward Woodward as Saul, and Denis Quilley as the prophet Samuel, the listing said that this was "the trials and tribulations of the warrior who became the second king of Israel."  Well, most of the trials and tribulations are those of the audience, wondering when it's all going to either start having a plot line or end.

The time is approximately 1000 B.C.E., and the movie itself says that it is "based upon" I and II Samuel, the Book of Kings, and the Psalms of David.  (I know I've explained to you before what Hollywood means when they say a movie is "based upon" something.  It means it doesn't help, and may actually hurt, if you have already read whatever book the movie is based upon.  The names may remain the same, but the plot is often unrecognizable.)  If you don't know the basic story by now, you didn't pay enough attention in Sunday School.

Good points:  Some of the scale armor and a fair bit of the costuming.

Bad points:  Goliath's sword.  Not enough color either in people's clothes or on the walls.  David entering the Holy of Holies.  (See Leviticus to find out why this never would have happened for real.)

Zero breasts.  36 dead bodies.  3½ gallons of blood.  Carts roll.  Chariots roll.  Rock fu.  Spear fu.  Arrow fu.  Tree fu.  Gratuitous "No sh*t, there I was" story.  Gratuitous bris.  Gratuitous shofar reveille.  Gratuitous incest.  ("Judge, it was a family matter.")  Academy Award nominations to the armorers for making all the scale armor, and to Edward Woodward as Saul for his "you're a better man than I am, Gunga Din" speech.  A 76 on the Vomit Meter.  Two stars.  Da'ud Bob says, "Judge, this movie needed killin'".  Check it out.




Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!


A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms: The Hedge Knight
2025		 Set a century before the events of Game of Thrones, two unlikely heroes wandered Westeros ... a young, naïve but courageous knight, Ser Duncan the Tall, and his diminutive squire, Egg. Set in an age when the Targaryen line still holds the Iron Throne, and the memory of the last dragon has not yet passed from living memory, great destinies, powerful foes, and dangerous exploits all await these improbable and incomparable friends. A(nother) Game of Thrones prequel. Streaming on Max.
Highlander
2026		 Starring Henry Cavill. This is a remake of the 1986 original starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery that no one I know of is asking for. "An immortal Scottish swordsman faces off with other immortal warriors in order to obtain a coveted ability." Director Chad Stahelski confirmed the movie will be using Queen's soundtrack from the original but "Probably in a different way than you think, but hardcore yes." [Da'ud Bob says, "How about 'no'?"]
The Odyssey
July 17, 2026		 A new film version of the epic poem by Homer. Directed by Christopher Nolan, and starring Matt Damon as Odysseus, with Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Anne Hathaway, Zendaya, Lupita Nyong’o, Charlize Theron, John Leguizamo, and more.


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