Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
  October 2025


Here's an early review that was published way back in October 1987. I especially liked quoting from Opus, movie critic for the local Bloom County newspaper, the Bloom Beacon (later, the Bloom Picayune). Enjoy!



So there I was, lazing around on a hot summer day, re-reading some of my old Bloom County cartoon books.  I came across several days' worth where Opus is doing what I do – reviewing movies.  He said, "George Phblat's new movie, `Benji Saves the Universe,' has brought the word `bad' to new levels of badness.  Bad acting.  Bad effects.  Bad everything.  This bad film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene.  Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness.  Well, maybe not that bad, but lord, it wasn't good." I said to myself, "I know that movie".  So this month, Da'ud Bob does The Warrior and the Sorceress.


Where do I begin?  Maybe like Christi Brinkley covering a slasher story for the 6 o'clock news – "Hi!  Oh, gross."  This 1984 mess stars David Carradine as "Dark One" (you don't find out until the credits that his name is Kain [Holy Kung Fu,* Batman!]), Luke Askew as Zeg, Maria Socas as Naja (who wears almost "nada"), and Anthony Delongis as Kief.  Plot.  Hmm, I know it had a sort of a plot.  An amorphous plot with vague religious overtones.  How best to describe it?  A time-span in the life of your average fantasy mercenary.  Stranger comes to town, breaks power structure (which causes a huge slaughter), then leaves.

Forget the costuming.  Kain doesn't wear pants.  Kief doesn't wear shirts.  The women don't wear much of anything (Naja wears a G-string and sometimes long loops of fabric hanging from her shoulders.  Most everybody else (including the iguana) is covered from the neck to the ankles, and most of the slaves and villagers have hoods which cover the face.  They sure dress funny on planets with two suns.

Good points: The fight choreography for the climactic fight between Kain and Kief was very nice and smooth.  I don't know if the dancer (probably the most exotic dancer you'd e-e-e-e-ever want to see) is a good point or not.  It was, well, "interesting."

Bad points: Fantasy armor, with little "horns" on the helmets.  Using a sword as a shovel.  Lousy puppetry on the "iguana".  The magic sword, which cut through an anvil, but later wouldn't cut through ordinary swords in combat.

32 Breasts (four on the dancer – I told you she was exotic).  Four gallons blood.  110 dead bodies.  Swordsmen roll.  Carts roll.  Gratuitous breasts.  Gratuitous slave-whipping.  Gratuitous iguana adviser.  Gratuitous Pompadour topknot.  Gratuitous papier-mache anvil.  Gratuitous land octopus with teeth.  Sword fu.  Whip fu. Breast fu.  Academy Award nomination to Anthony Delongis for the fight choreography.  Academy Award nomination to Cecilia North as the Exotic Dancer, for making them look real.  A 93 on the Vomit Meter.  1½ stars.  Da'ud Bob says check it out.




* You may, or may not, remember the old TV series Kung Fu, starring David Carradine as Kwai Chang Caine.




Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!


Hamnet
December 12, 2025		 The story of Agnes - the wife of William Shakespeare, although the historical record names her as Anne Hathaway - as she struggles to come to terms with the loss of her only son, Hamnet. A human and heart-stopping story as the backdrop to the creation of Shakespeare's most famous play, Hamlet. Starring Paul Mescal, Jessie Buckley, and Emily Watson.
The King, the Swordsman, and the Sorceress
December 30, 2025		 Starring Donna Hamblin, Deborah Dutch, Jeffrey Schneider, and Nick Dent, still no plot synopsis has been released. But given the title, surely it must be a Da'ud Bob kind of movie, yes? Well, maybe. AI seems to think it is a remake of 1982's The Sword and the Sorcerer, a movie which featured, as I said in my review of it, "the amazing new Ronco [three-bladed] Rocket Sword.  'It slices!  It dices!  It makes mincemeat of your enemies in minutes!')". If AI is right, we are all in serious trouble.
A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms: The Hedge Knight
Was to be released in 2025; now to premiere in 2026		 Set a century before the events of Game of Thrones, two unlikely heroes wandered Westeros ... a young, naïve but courageous knight, Ser Duncan the Tall, and his diminutive squire, Egg. Set in an age when the Targaryen line still holds the Iron Throne, and the memory of the last dragon has not yet passed from living memory, great destinies, powerful foes, and dangerous exploits all await these improbable and incomparable friends. A(nother) Game of Thrones prequel. Streaming on Max.
Highlander
2026		 Starring Henry Cavill. This is a remake of the 1986 original starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery that no one I know of is asking for. "An immortal Scottish swordsman faces off with other immortal warriors in order to obtain a coveted ability." Director Chad Stahelski confirmed the movie will be using Queen's soundtrack from the original, but "Probably in a different way than you think, but hardcore yes." [Da'ud Bob says, "How about 'hardcore no'?"]
The Odyssey
July 17, 2026		 A new film version of the epic poem by Homer. Directed by Christopher Nolan, and starring Matt Damon as Odysseus, with Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Anne Hathaway, Zendaya, Lupita Nyong’o, Charlize Theron, John Leguizamo, and more. Quite the impressive cast! I hope the script will let their talents shine forth.


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