Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
  September 2026


I don't know about where you live, but here in northern Lonestarrora I'm getting really tired of the heat! So I dug up this old movie review from September 1994, when I was having the very same complaints about the heat here as I had way back then, and was looking for something that would make me feel cooler. Which just the title of this movie did. Enjoy!



The "dog days" of summer were hard upon us.  Out here in the desert that is the Tornado Flats Mobile Land Community, that means the days mostly consist of the temperature and the humidity racing each other to see who can get to 100 first, with everybody else the loser.  Oh, yeah, there's the occasional rainstorm to hold the temperature back a little while giving the lead advantage to the humidity, and, sure, the grass don't get quite so brown that way, but, still, if we could have our druthers, we'druther it were April again.  So, of course, I was looking for something to cool off with.  We nomads have a rough life, you know, and after seven or eight hours wandering around the desert, we don't even get to have "Miller time", what with the Koranic proscriptions and all that.  Well, Joe Don Alaric had given me this tape with some stuff from Mystery Science Theater 3000 on it that some of you may remember from a couple months back when we did The Magic Voyage of Sinbad.  Well, the next item on the tape was just perfect for this time of year.  And so it is that this month, Da'ud Bob does The Day the Earth Froze.

This is a retelling of an old Scandinavian fairy tale, narrated by Marvin Miller, with Jon Powers as Leman Timon, Nina Anderson as Anneke, Ingrid Elhardt as the evil witch Laoki, and Peter Sorenson as the magical smith Marinen.  As with any MST3K showing, the best lines all go to Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo.  (Example, "My other log is a redwood.")  The basic story line is Leman Timon falls in love with Anneke, Marinen's sister.  Laoki kidnaps Anneke to get Marinen to make her a sanpo, a magical mill which produces gold, flour, etc. in unlimited quantities.  (Why do none of these villains ever stop to think what something like that would do to gold prices on the open market?  This would be a greater disaster than the prices in the slave market in Damascus after the battle of the Horns of Hattin!)  Marinen makes it for her, she returns Anneke, but on their way home, Leman Timon decides that he can't leave Laoki in possession of the sanpo, and so he returns and destroys it.  To get even, Laoki steals the sun and releases the North Wind, which she has previously captured, to go out and freeze the earth, ruining Leman Timon's and Anneke's wedding night.  The townsfolk all get together with Lemon Timon and company, and eventually defeat the witch's army with harp music which puts them all to sleep, kill her, and free the sun.  It's more complicated than that, of course, but this is the plot line that matters.

Among the most interesting parts: Some of Crow's lines.  ("Help me, Obi-wan."  "You know, this is considered a riot in Scandinavia."  "All rise.  Santa is entering the lodge.")  The giant bellows.  Talking tree in a bad mood.  Talking road full of self-pity.  And it is an interesting telling of the fairy tale.

Zero breasts.  Zero blood.  One dead body.  Trees roll.  Waves roll.  Gold rolls. Cape fu.  Boa fu.  Sledge hammer fu.  Gratuitous log surfing.  Gratuitous Bullwinkle boat prow.  Gratuitous flower stomping (talk about your "tiptoe through the tulips"!)  Academy Award nomination to Crow for "That's the night that lights went out in Finland", "Little House on the Tundra", and "walkin' in my winter underwear".  A 72 on the Vomit Meter.  Two stars.  Da'ud Bob says "Check it out!"




Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!


The Odyssey
Now playing in wide release		 A new film version of the epic poem by Homer. Directed by Christopher Nolan, and starring Matt Damon as Odysseus, with Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Anne Hathaway, Zendaya, Lupita Nyong’o, Charlize Theron, John Leguizamo, and more. Quite the impressive cast! I hope the script will let their talents shine. The plot is exactly what you'd expect: "After the Trojan War, Odysseus faces a dangerous voyage back to Ithaca, meeting creatures like the Cyclops Polyphemus, Sirens, and Circe along the way." (I still like the meme where Odysseus is asked by one of his sailors what an "odyssey" is, and Odysseus tells him that it's a long journey named after the only survivor, and the sailor goes, "Oh, okay. Wait! What?")
The Uprising
September 10, 2026		 While the official synopsis says "Based on the true story of the uprising that inspired the legend of Robin Hood, Andrew Garfield stars as the leader of a rebellion against the tyranny of King Richard II in a fight for justice", frankly I'm not sure where they got the idea that the legend of Robin Hood was inspired by the Peasants' Revolt of 1381. Particularly since the Robin Hood stories were circulating before the revolt occurred. But what do I know? Anyway, starring Andrew Garfield, Jamie Bell, Stephen Dillane, and Woody Norman as King Richard II.
The King, the Swordsman, and the Sorceress
Was to be released December 30, 2025, but IMDb says it's still in "pre-production".		 Starring Donna Hamblin, Deborah Dutch, Jeffrey Schneider (who also directs), and Nick Dent, still no plot synopsis has been released. But given the title, surely it must be a Da'ud Bob kind of movie, yes? Well, maybe. AI seems to think it is a remake of 1982's The Sword and the Sorcerer, a movie which featured, as I said in my review of it, "the amazing new [three-bladed] Ronco Rocket Sword.  'It slices!  It dices!  It makes mincemeat of your enemies in minutes!')". If AI is right, we are all in serious trouble.
Highlander
2027		 Starring Henry Cavill, Russell, Crowe, and Karen Gillan, with Dave Bautista as the Kurgan. This is a remake of the 1986 original starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery that no one I know of is asking for. "An immortal Scottish swordsman faces off with other immortal warriors in order to obtain a coveted ability." Director Chad Stahelski confirmed the movie will be using Queen's soundtrack from the original, but "Probably in a different way than you think, but hardcore yes." [Da'ud Bob says, "How about 'hardcore no'?"]
A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
A second season of this streaming series is already lined up for a 2027 release		 Set a century before the events of Game of Thrones, two unlikely heroes wander through Westeros ... a young, naïve but courageous knight, Ser Duncan the Tall, and his diminutive squire, Egg. Set in an age when the Targaryen line still holds the Iron Throne, and the memory of the last dragon has not yet passed from living memory, great destinies, powerful foes, and dangerous exploits all await these improbable and incomparable friends. A(nother) Game of Thrones prequel. Streaming on Max.


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