Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
  August 2026


With all of the hoopla and controversy surrounding different elements of Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey, I thought I would re-run this review from July 1997, of an entirely different production of the same story. See what you think about it, and how it may (or may not) compare to the one in theaters now!


And then there's the old saw about one of the men sailing with Odysseus who had a question about the trip:


Q: What's an "odyssey"?

A: "It's a very long and dangerous voyage named after the sole survivor."

Q: "Oh, okay. Wait! What?"



Well, now, they'd been advertising this one for weeks.  So I'd been looking forward to its broadcast date for quite some time.  And the previews had been so tantalizing.  Some guy being blown into the air through a ripped sail.  An extremely good-looking lady wrapping her long leg around a man.  A good looking man with long hair and a beard looking out of the screen.  A one-eyed giant flinging a man across a room with the back of his hand.  And then the title, whose name has become synonymous with a long journey.  And so it is that this month, Da'ud Bob does The Odyssey.

Starring Armand Assante as Odysseus, Greta Scacchi as his extremely patient wife Penelope, Christopher Lee as Teiresias, Bernadette Peters as Circe, Isabella Rossellini as Athene, Vanessa Williams as Calypso, Irene Papas as Odysseus' mother Anticleia, Geraldine Chaplin as his nurse Eurycleia, and Michael J. Pollard as the Warden of the Winds, Aeolus, this is definitely the "Cliff Notes" version of Homer's epic poem.  (Well, they even admitted in the opening credits that it was "Based on the epic poem by Homer".)  Of course, with only four hours, and a special effects budget that was probably already larger than originally anticipated, a lot of stuff got left out.  There were no sirens at all.  The landing on Sicily and the slaughter of some of Hyperion's cattle was also missing.  As was the eventual reconciliation of Poseidon (Odysseus was to carry an oar inland so far that it would be unrecognized as such but was thought to be a winnowing bat, and there he was to make a sacrifice to Poseidon.)  Most of Teiresias' prophesies were missing.  Odysseus' return to Aeolus wasn't there.  The children Odysseus had with Circe and with Calypso were left out completely.  A lot of other details, some of which helped to explain the motivations of the characters, was simply on vacation somewhere else.  Like I say, Cliff Notes version.

And what about one of the central themes: the double standard.  Penelope is home scraping hides with a stone.  Odysseus is off aardvarking with Circe.  Penelope is fending off persistent (and greedy) suitors.  Odysseus is making the sign of the four-legged pomegranate with Calypso.  Penelope is being chaste; Odysseus is chasing (and bedding) goddesses.  What's the deal here?  You'd think that what's good for the wandering gander should be good for the stay-at-home goose.

The good points were really good.  The special effects.  The monsters.  The cyclops.  Many of the helmets.  The big wooden horse.  The music.  The discovery of the Cyclop's footprint.  Odysseus weeping for his lost men.  The opportunities for stupid jokes that, fortunately, the scriptwriters ignored.  (Things that could have been worked in somehow, but weren't: "Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"; "Nothing but a big bag of wind(s)"; or even, from Circe, "Go to hell".)

Not all of it was really good.  Apparently, shepherds in ancient Greece dressed in rags.  Scylla had only three heads here.  The dress with the looooong tassels.  Using a sword as a pick and shovel.

Zero breasts (though they did their best to show as much of Vanessa Williams as possible and still get on prime time).  Seven gallons of blood.  42 dead bodies, plus a few body parts and others killed off-screen.  Chariot rolls.  Waves roll.  More waves roll.  Even more waves roll.  Sword fu.  Spear fu.  Fang fu.  Sharp pointed stick fu.  Gratuitous hubris.  Gratuitous sheep's head.  Gratuitous armpit washing.  Academy Award nomination to Armand Assante for (besides looking so good) saying like he means it "I would rather lie for one moment in my wife's arms as a man than live forever without her" (after having spent several years in Calypso's bed, no less!).  An 87 on the Vomit Meter.  2½ Stars.  Da'ud Bob says "Check it out!"



Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!


The Odyssey
Now playing in wide release		 A new film version of the epic poem by Homer. Directed by Christopher Nolan, and starring Matt Damon as Odysseus, with Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Anne Hathaway, Zendaya, Lupita Nyong’o, Charlize Theron, John Leguizamo, and more. Quite the impressive cast! I hope the script will let their talents shine. The plot is exactly what you'd expect: "After the Trojan War, Odysseus faces a dangerous voyage back to Ithaca, meeting creatures like the Cyclops Polyphemus, Sirens, and Circe along the way." (I still like the meme where Odysseus is asked by one of his sailors what an "odyssey" is, and Odysseus tells him that it's a long journey named after the only survivor, and the sailor goes, "Oh, okay. Wait! What?")
The King, the Swordsman, and the Sorceress
Was to be released December 30, 2025, but IMDb says it's still in "pre-production".		 Starring Donna Hamblin, Deborah Dutch, Jeffrey Schneider (who also directs), and Nick Dent, still no plot synopsis has been released. But given the title, surely it must be a Da'ud Bob kind of movie, yes? Well, maybe. AI seems to think it is a remake of 1982's The Sword and the Sorcerer, a movie which featured, as I said in my review of it, "the amazing new [three-bladed] Ronco Rocket Sword.  'It slices!  It dices!  It makes mincemeat of your enemies in minutes!')". If AI is right, we are all in serious trouble.
Highlander
2027		 Starring Henry Cavill, Russell, Crowe, and Karen Gillan, with Dave Bautista as the Kurgan. This is a remake of the 1986 original starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery that no one I know of is asking for. "An immortal Scottish swordsman faces off with other immortal warriors in order to obtain a coveted ability." Director Chad Stahelski confirmed the movie will be using Queen's soundtrack from the original, but "Probably in a different way than you think, but hardcore yes." [Da'ud Bob says, "How about 'hardcore no'?"]
A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms
A second season of this streaming series is already lined up for a 2027 release		 Set a century before the events of Game of Thrones, two unlikely heroes wander through Westeros ... a young, naïve but courageous knight, Ser Duncan the Tall, and his diminutive squire, Egg. Set in an age when the Targaryen line still holds the Iron Throne, and the memory of the last dragon has not yet passed from living memory, great destinies, powerful foes, and dangerous exploits all await these improbable and incomparable friends. A(nother) Game of Thrones prequel. Streaming on Max.


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