Da'ud Bob's Movie Review
for
  May 2025


This month I ran across this old review of a movie that, frankly, I didn't remember even seeing. And I suspect that nobody else does, either. But clearly I sat through it, took detailed notes, and then told everyone else about it twenty-nine years ago, way back in May 1996. So here it it again. Enjoy!



Those truly were the days, my friends. Remember those "thrilling days of yesteryear," the height of the Hollywood movie production mills. The days when heroes were heroic, villains were villainous, and heroines were not only heroine-ic but chaste and noble as well. When good guy fought bad guy as often with his tongue as his sword, and the blows of each "weapon" were nearly equally effective. Remember those days? The days when Basil Rathbone was the villain in nearly every costume drama made, from The Adventures of Robin Hood to The Mark of Zorro? Well, in this one he gets to play a truly royal villain of sorts, this time against Ronald Coleman's poet/hero, as this month Da'ud Bob does If I Were King.

Starring, as I noted, Ronald Coleman as the poet Francois Villon, Basil Rathbone as King Louis XI, Frances Dee as Catherine de Voucelles, Ellen Drew as Huguette, and Henry Wilcoxson, the story is a bit of The Prince and the Pauper, a bit of Joan of Arc, and a bit of Frankenstein (in that the creation gets a bit out of hand), with not one but two love story lines (not counting the kings love affair with himself). In very rough terms, the plot is: Paris is surrounded by the Burgundians, who have laid siege to the city. The peasants are starving, but the army and the nobles have sufficient food for three months. The poet/thief Villon, whom Huguette loves, after some braggadocio about what he would do if he were king which was overheard by Louis XI while in disguise, kills an officer of the king during a brawl and as punishment is given the deceased's office (you find out later he only gets to keep the job for a week, at which time he will be executed). (One of his jobs is to determine suitable punishment for the killer of his predecessor, an interesting predicament.) In the meantime, he falls in love with one of the ladies in waiting to the Queen, Catherine, who falls in love with him but doesn't know that he is not a count. He tries to convince the army to attack the Burgundians, and then, when the generals won't, opens up the storehouses to the people so that no one has food for more than a couple of days. The army deserts some of its posts, the Burgundians attack the city, and Villon, escaping from the palace with a death sentence on his head, leads the peasants to victory against them, though Huguette gets killed in the fighting. Louis, who cannot withdraw completely the earlier sentence of death against Villon, but who owes him the victory against Burgundy, banishes him from the city but grants him free passage throughout the remainder of France. Though he did everything to keep Catherine from learning where he went, she finds out and follows him, and although the movie ends before their meeting on the road, you just know that they're going to live happily ever after.

Bad points: Robin Hood hats. Bad hats in general (especially on the ladies). Gauze veils. Gold lame. The costuming in general.

Zero breasts. 1/16 gallon of blood. 43 dead bodies. Vegetables roll. Barrels roll. Pig sign rolls. ["What's your sign? Taurus the Bull? Aries the Ram?" "No, Porky the Pig."] Sword fu. Bucket fu. Poem fu. Gratuitous (and highly ornate) hinges. Gratuitous wrestling. Gratuitous poetry. Gratuitous royal monogram (a backwards capital "L" and a capital "L", the uprights of both "L"s encircled by a crown. For Louis the 'Leventh?). Academy Award nomination to Ronald Coleman as Francois Villon for "Poetry is its own worst enemy" and for " Perhaps I was born to inhale the perfume of your hair and to exhale the music of the ages." An 87 on the Vomit Meter. 2½ stars. Da'ud Bob says "Nobody expects the French inquisition. Check it out!"





Upcoming movies and miniseries to watch for!


A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms: The Hedge Knight
2025		 A century before the events of Game of Thrones, two unlikely heroes wandered Westeros... a young, naïve but courageous knight, Ser Duncan the Tall, and his diminutive squire, Egg. Set in an age when the Targaryen line still holds the Iron Throne, and the memory of the last dragon has not yet passed from living memory, great destinies, powerful foes, and dangerous exploits all await these improbable and incomparable friends. A(nother) Game of Thrones prequel. Streaming on Max.
Highlander
2026		 Starring Henry Cavill. This is a remake of the 1986 original starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery that no one I know of is asking for. "An immortal Scottish swordsman faces off with other immortal warriors in order to obtain a coveted ability." Director Chad Stahelski confirmed the movie will be using Queen's soundtrack from the original but "Probably in a different way than you think, but hardcore yes." [Da'ud Bob says, "How about no?"]
The Odyssey
July 17, 2026		 A new film version of the epic poem by Homer. Directed by Christopher Nolan, and starring Matt Damon as Odysseus, with Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Anne Hathaway, Zendaya, Lupita Nyong’o, Charlize Theron, John Leguizamo, and more.


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